Sometimes.....

Tomorrow it will be thirty-five weeks to the day and exactly eight months since Tall died. May be it is because last month my mood was lifted by the promise of Christmas, may be December just was better, I don't know, but this month it is affecting me badly. 

Sometimes I wish I could just hold his hand again, have the chance to tell him just once more how I feel about him.

Sometimes I wish I could nuzzle into his shoulder and remember how he smelled, not his aftershave but him. 

Sometimes I wish he was here to just hold me in his arms, his head bent over resting on the top of mine. 

Sometimes I wish that the dip in the mattress was filled with him, his legs tucked up so his feet aren't over the end.

Sometimes I wish I could be with him........

I know I'm not alone in feeling the way I do. I know that in a few days the grief will pass once more and I will just get on with life. So for today and for tomorrow I will allow myself my tears, my uncontrollable sobbing and my anger at life.