It could have been....

 Monday would have been our 10th wedding anniversary. Some people say it still was, but it isn't really the same celebrating alone. I looked at the photos and remembered how ridiculously happy we were. Happy to be joined by those we loved and who loved us in return. It might only have been a small wedding party that walked to the resturant after the ceremony, but every single person was there because they wanted to be, not out of any sense of duty. 

I feel robbed and more than a little bit angry that out time together was so short compared to others. I console myself with the knowledge that we were lucky to have found true love, even if it was all too brief. 

My first, my last, my everything.

How are you?

I'm okay I guess.

You don't sound too sure.

Well I still burst into tears in the middle of the street. 

Today I did just that. As I was walking the dog a neighbour drove past in his Lotus 7, he's older than Tall and has quite a collection of cars, all of which Tall adored. I reflected internally on how unfair it all was, but resigned myself to the fact I couldn't change things.

As we neared home a different neighbour was polishing his 1967 Mini, I just burst into tears. One of Tall's first jobs was working as a mechanic on Mini's, it was also his very last job.  A month before he died he helped out "the lads" at the garage he always used. They had had an old Mini sitting there for over twelve months, unable to work out why it wouldn't start. The mechanics, who are both in their thirties had no experience of working on older cars. Tall knew exactly what the problem was. He got them to take off the carburettor and he brought it home. He ordered the parts he knew he needed online and then sat, with his oxygen on, fixing it. He took back the carburettor and got them to refit it, he was then given the honour of starting the car up. It started first time. I cannot express how proud he was, knowing that he could still make a difference even when stuck in a wheelchair on oxygen. Me, I'm just so incredibly sad that he isn't here to still make a difference.