Life didn't seem too bad last week, that is until Friday.
On Wednesday I went to the running group and chatted to the same lady I has spoken to the week before. Certain members had obviously decided they wanted to make it more competitive, and overtook us, but we just looked at each other knowingly, once they had overtaken, they didn't actually make any ground on us.
On Thursday I shouted at two teenagers who thought it was acceptable to kick my back gate, just because Toni was barking at them. I had heard them screaming and chatting outside the gate before they kicked it, and it was easy for me to go out of the front door and meet them as they came round the bend.
Then on Friday the sadness hit. I clumsily reached out for help on FB, but the replies centered around my running, I hadn't even got the energy to reply to them.
I thought my run on Saturday would lift my mood, but by the evening I was sobbing continuously. My sense of loneliness engulfing me.
I had hoped that after a good sleep I would feel better on Sunday, but I felt worse. The paralysing panic of being alone made it difficult to function, at even a basic level. As if to mirror my mood, torrential rain began at 4 in the morning and continued into the rest of the day.
This morning I am about the same. I know I cannot let the panic that engulfed me take hold again today, but I feel physically ill. My whole body is heavy and my head "wooly" I'm struggling to string coherent thoughts together. I am in pain mentally and physically.
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