At the risk of sounding a tad pathetic, I am currently struggling with the big, bad world outside my four walls. The whole political scene scares me, so much so that I have been putting my head in the sand. I feel so powerless and I certainly am not up to a "discussion" with those who think it is all going to be okay.
It isn't just Brexit though. I find I struggle with lots of the things not in my comfort zone. I can shop for food and alcohol. I can shop online for a mattress, as I know which one to buy, Mike told me. I can just about manage to buy new shoes for myself. But, when it comes to less run of the mill purchases like a new laptop, I am paralysed. Now, I hear you all say, "ask for advice in the shop." I can't, I am ashamed to say I don't trust what they might have to say. Generally speaking there is only one shop and that monopoly makes me nervous. It isn't like buying a car, half a dozen brands being sold independently, each salesman saying theirs is the best. A pile of brochures and a nice cuppa at home to weigh it all up. Trying to wade through specs online has my head in a spin and in the shop they are trying to sell you the one they have been told to push, the one that might possibly be an end off line or soon to be last year's model. I know when Mike was alive we would probably have been hoodwinked together, and that's the point, a mistake we both made was one we could cuss about and then laugh about. A mistake made alone is one that I know will become a stick to beat myself with. I still have quite a lot of work to do on my mental health.
So for now I will struggle on with my tired old one. The fan has gone and it has a habit of overheating, crashing as it's poor memory cannot cope. I have named it Lorna. :)
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