Losses.

After a low couple of days when I didn't say anything I am back. I was questioning whether I should continue with the blog. I had rather selfishly hoped that it would somehow connect me with the outside world, be the source of "friendship" something that seems to be missing since Tall went. I'm not alone in finding myself with the multi-layered losses that death causes. Nearly all those on the forum I joined have found themselves abandoned by friends and family after the loss of their partner. For some it is very close relatives like sisters and brothers and for some like me it is the friends who Tall was so sure would be around. 

Imagine losing your partner and then a few weeks later, when the funeral is over,  all the people who had said they would be there for you disappear too. As I have said before, I am lucky enough to have one very dear friend who hasn't abandoned me, even in her own very difficult times. 

I wish I could open up the blog for the whole world to see, so that people could see how painful their reluctance to connect with the bereaved can be. We want to talk about our loved ones and cry, we want people to cry with us, we want to know our loved ones haven't lived a life for nothing, that others cared for them too. Whether they were just a good work colleague or a great drinking buddy,  a teammate or a confidante,  someone fondly remembered for their kindness or admired for their tenacity. Talk about them to others, talk about them to those who have lost. Not a single one of Tall's friends, colleagues, associates or family (that's a relief) have been in contact with me to talk about the man he was. (Australians are excluded as they will have plenty to say when I get there I know. )

 If only I could be sure that I wouldn't be trolled I would share what I have to say with the world.