The garden

 I have been trying to spend as much time as possible outside when the weather allows. May has so far been the complete opposite of April, he have had days of rain and days of heavy showers with sunny intervals. The temperature has dropped considerably and so for now many of the plants need to stay in the greenhouse. I'm not keen on being out in halestorms either.

The year that Tall died I couldn't bear being in the garden, no matter what the weather. Every tree and plant reminded me of him, of how he would never taste the fruit from the trees or simply sit until the stars were out, enjoying the summer evenings.  In the midst of my grief I couldn't sit outside and i couldn't sit inside, I forever seemed to be wandering between the two, tears streaming down my face. Last year was better, although I didn't know what to do with it other, than cut the grass. I put up the pool and spent a few of the warmer days cooling off in it. Tall loved sitting in the cool water, although it wasn't something he was really able to do after 2017. Unfortunately, in my solo attempt to put it away at the end of the summer, I ended up tearing it, so I don't have one for this year. I think the decking might be better left clear in case I can have people around. This year I am planting hanging baskets for the first time since 2018. I still have to buy more plants and snap-dragons will be one of those that I will buy. Tall loved them. 

I will probably always get a little sad in the garden, Tall created so much of what it is now. Some of it I wish I could change. Maybe next year I will have the greenhouse moved to the wasted space on the drive and use the concrete pad where it sits now as a dining area. I remember back in 2019, a few months after Tall died, that the neighbour across the road, who lost her husband over twenty years  ago, was telling me that she still got sad in the garden. There's something about the continuing of life in the plants that acts as a reminder of the life that is no longer lived. Tall will always be in the trees.