The garden

 I have been trying to spend as much time as possible outside when the weather allows. May has so far been the complete opposite of April, he have had days of rain and days of heavy showers with sunny intervals. The temperature has dropped considerably and so for now many of the plants need to stay in the greenhouse. I'm not keen on being out in halestorms either.

The year that Tall died I couldn't bear being in the garden, no matter what the weather. Every tree and plant reminded me of him, of how he would never taste the fruit from the trees or simply sit until the stars were out, enjoying the summer evenings.  In the midst of my grief I couldn't sit outside and i couldn't sit inside, I forever seemed to be wandering between the two, tears streaming down my face. Last year was better, although I didn't know what to do with it other, than cut the grass. I put up the pool and spent a few of the warmer days cooling off in it. Tall loved sitting in the cool water, although it wasn't something he was really able to do after 2017. Unfortunately, in my solo attempt to put it away at the end of the summer, I ended up tearing it, so I don't have one for this year. I think the decking might be better left clear in case I can have people around. This year I am planting hanging baskets for the first time since 2018. I still have to buy more plants and snap-dragons will be one of those that I will buy. Tall loved them. 

I will probably always get a little sad in the garden, Tall created so much of what it is now. Some of it I wish I could change. Maybe next year I will have the greenhouse moved to the wasted space on the drive and use the concrete pad where it sits now as a dining area. I remember back in 2019, a few months after Tall died, that the neighbour across the road, who lost her husband over twenty years  ago, was telling me that she still got sad in the garden. There's something about the continuing of life in the plants that acts as a reminder of the life that is no longer lived. Tall will always be in the trees.

A start

 As part of my attempt this year to make Merry May Memories I have moved my office (okay the laptop) back into the conservatory. It means that I can look out of the windows and watch the birds. Admittedly they aren't particularly exotic, I really only get sparrows with the very odd visit from goldfinches, blue-tits and great-tits. Last year I seemed to have a much greater variety, which is strange as I am not doing anything different this year. 

As we move into summer the conservatory may become too warm, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. In the meantime it means I get my dining room table back, having also thrown away some stuff that had been slowly piling up since Christmas. There is still a lot to declutter, but one black bag  of rubbish is progress for one day. 

 

A surprising week.

A week has passed since my last post and things feel a little more normal. The sun has been shining allowing me to spend time in the garden. I haven't been able to get hold of my normal seeds and so I improvised with using seeds from a tomato I had bought, seeds from a capsicum I was using for cooking and some seeds that I saved last year from a butternut squash. The tomatoes and squash have both produced seedlings in less than a week and I am patiently hoping the capsicum won't disappoint. I hope all those panic buyers are as green fingered. 

 The time in the garden helps my mood and I think myself extremely lucky that I have a space in the fresh air, surrounded by nature, when there are people in lock down in flats, unable to get out. I still can't get my head around many of the jobs that need doing, jobs which should have been done last year that now feel like mountains, jobs that only this year have become obvious. I still miss the second opinion and second pair of eyes. The current situation means I can't even get my own family over to help. 
 

   

Tall seems to be back with me. How do I know? Well, I have a spooky tale to tell. Two days ago I changed the bedding. After Tall died I bought new bed sets, a fresh look that didn't mean I expected to see him every time I walked into the room. The following day I woke to find a blood stain on the pillowcase on Tall's side of the bed. I checked myself from head to toe, no signs of injury on me. I checked the dog, she was clear too. The blood had just appeared, it wasn't there when I put the pillowcase on and it wasn't there when I went to sleep. There's only one explanation........