I thought I had better document what sort of festive period I have had. Christmas Day was pleasant, spent with two of my offspring we had good food, good wine and board games. Boxing Day was a different story. Years of going to football matches whilst my children spent the day with their father, turkey curry and pleasing ourselves. I started crying lunchtime and didn't really stop until I woke Monday 30th. I just kept missing Tall.
As the title says today is New Year's Eve. I've been to give a blood donation, only the second time this year, the last one being 2nd January. I felt a bit guilty, but then remembered that many people don't even bother and I've had a bit of a difficult year, never mind that it takes me an hour each way on public transport for something that takes ten minutes max.
As I was walking from the bus stop I remembered last year's "celebrations". Tall and I clinging to each other, me in tears as we both knew it was to be our last. People talk of firsts and they are right they are often very difficult, yet ironically I do not fear this evening, my first without him as it cannot be as awful as last year.
It is also the end of a decade, a decade that began with a cancer diagnosis that ultimately ended Tall's life, even if it was as a result of the treatment. The grief for Tall still weighs heavy on my heart, but I have to grab hold of the new decade and make it into something that is memorable for different reasons. The cancer decade is over, the teens have gone and the twenties approach.
Happy New Year and I hope the twenties are kind to us all.
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