It is a bank holiday weekend here. The sun has been shining and FB and the media are full of pictures of people enjoying themselves on the beach, in the park and at BBQs. Last night I had to shut the windows despite the heat to reduce the noise from the loud music being played at the local pub and the fireworks possibly the same place, although they seemed to be in a different direction.
I have tried valiantly to keep a smile on my face and up until an hour ago I wasn't doing too badly. I went outside to see how hot it was and the smells of other people cooking and their party music playing just hit a nerve. I realised that this is how it is going to be until the day I die, unless I do something to change it. For some people every day is the same as the last, I don't want special days to become just another day. I want to have fun, rejoice, celebrate and have parties. I want life to have meaning and purpose. I also want others to actually think about me too. I have become the parent who is always there when needed, "so we don't have to bother making an effort with her."
I don't have any answers today. I do know it is seventeen weeks until Christmas, ages away I hear you say. Well I am not spending it alone. My children have until the end of September to tell me their plans and if they don't include me, then I'm going to make my own plans!
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