Today is Tall's birthday. I will be celebrating it like last year with a good bottle of red wine and steak, which is exactly what Tall would have wanted for his birthday. I am celebrating that I was lucky enough to have known him, even if our time together was far too short. We had imagined that we might get thirty years together.
I recently read an interview with a grief expert, who through his own grief experience, had discovered that there was a sixth stage to grief, finding meaning. He wasn't taking about finding meaning in the death itself, but finding meaning in the life of the person we have lost or meaning in what their loss has done to us as individuals, how it may have changed us and allowed us to grow. The article can be found here.
Looking back I can see that over the last twelve months I have been doing a lot of trying to find meaning. I still have days of anger, of bargaining and periods of depression, through it all though I try and find the good things. The lessons I learnt from knowing him and from having to cope with his loss have made me a different person to the one I was before I knew him.
I know that he didn't change the whole world, but that his life touched many others, and only really changed a handful. There are those who say he saved their lives, people who he helped emotionally and of course he changed my life forever.
Today I will celebrate that Tall was in this world, tears and all.
Italy 2008
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